Dear Friends –
I want to take a few minutes to highlight one of the focuses and programs of GRDC in this letter. Please take time to read this letter. It is longer than normal. Why? Because I am going to give you the one systemic reason and most profound breakdown of culture that contributes to why we have the problems we have with poverty. I am going to hit the root! I want to talk about our World Changers Men’s program. But know in this letter, I am not overlooking the powerful women’s impacts and needs that we also address at GRDC.
Why is a men’s impact so important inside of our city? When you look at areas of the city that have been impacted by poverty, there is one common thread that is the foundation to all the other problems: the absent or abusive man. This is the man who a taker and not a maker. This is the selfish man who has never grown up. This man may be in a full-grown man’s body, but inside he is a childish boy who does not look out for anyone but himself and all his needs. Unfortunately, in a culture impacted by poverty, this is the systemic problem.
What does this look like? What we have commonly seen is that often, men just have abandoned the mothers all together. The man is not there for the mother or the children. In most cases he does not pay child support. This is because he also does not work or can’t hold down a job. Why? Most commonly because he never learned to work hard and not quit when life gets tough. Why is this so common? Because the pattern of absent and abusive men is so systemic that there are literally no authentic men who have stayed committed to their mothers by marriage or otherwise to provide an example of what it looks like to be a father. The problem is widely multi-generational at this point. We commonly see mothers are taking care of their children alone, allowing them to repeat the pattern. When life gets tough, they allow their young men to quit and/or over nurture them.
When these boys become adults, they now have adult needs and they seek sexual relationships without commitment. Then a new generation of women will take care of these overgrown boys whom they now have had sex with resulting in children. But the women can only tolerate an overgrown boy for so long because he isn’t a contributor. As mentioned above, he is a constant taker from the family, not a maker. Ultimately this frustration multiplies, which causes him to leave or causes her to make him leave because he won’t contribute. And this cycle goes on and on creating a culture void of committed men loving on the mothers and children. Mothers are forced to take care of many children alone and seek refuge financially from the government. When this pattern seems so obvious, why does it not seem to be broken? Back to the men.
Did you know 90% of the men in prison have no father or were severely abused by a father or man in the house? The selfish man easily becomes the “dog eat dog” man. It’s survival of the fittest, which really is the supreme law of the street. Do what I have do at any cost to survive. Because this always results in brokenness, men are so unfulfilled, and won’t admit the shame, because every man knows deep inside that it isn’t supposed to be this way. With so much history of failure and quitting, now the man believes there is no other way. There is a lot of inner pain which can often also lead men to addiction to alcohol and/or drugs. Which feeds this crazy cycle even more. Feeding an addiction cycle only escalates the selfishness and consumption to the “nth” degree.
How does this cycle get broken? As much as I want our government to help, as of right now, our government feeds the system. There are no incentives to men in poverty when they step up and marry their women and work. It’s actually the opposite, more funding is available if a woman remains unmarried. But, I don’t want to go down the government rabbit trail. Yes, there is a need for the government to make reforms that help break these cycles, but the answer lies with church and government of Jesus Christ. “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6. The answer comes from the heart of the Father which Jesus came and showed us. Jesus is the true authentic image and portrait of a man. He showed us that the authentic man lays his life down for his family and community.
The church must intervene. We must go to the dark places where men are struggling with fatherlessness. If we can start to redeem the men by fulfilling the great commission of making disciples, we can break the cycle one man at a time.
As more men get redeemed, momentum will build and the families and communities will begin to change. Imagine the broken, poverty culture of selfish, absent men changing into a redeemed culture of kind, gentle, humble, hard-working men, who don’t quit on their mothers or children! They adorn their families with selfless love which means utterly taking care of them and being there for them in relationship! Mothers and children will start to be empowered to be fully confident people that fulfill big dreams and solve big problems in our society! This is our goal, and we are seeing men come into a powerful men’s community being redeemed one man at a time!
